Aug 21, 2008

Relationship advice for IITians.

I am an IITian and whilst being proud of the name tag that I bear, there are some things I should advice young siblings of mine from there on. Namely relationships and how to deal with women in life. While you may solve taxes fast, compute stock rates indexs and earn millions creating Sun Microsystems or some such company, there is a high probabilty you fail in communication with the opposite sex. It's true. Deal with it, but help is here, so you can move on and never have to admit it in public. I read this about some guy writing a book on marrying an IITian and I thought no one wrote about this, so I decided to write it myself.

I intended this document to be an all in all one that talks about experiences of people who have been IITIans, gone through shit, have come out doing quite well now. Some of this is my observation, some of this is heard, but all of it is true and sensible. Some of this might be useful to you if you are generally clueless about relationships as well.

The start.

Every relationship comes as a blessing once you are out of that place. The only things you might have been acquainted with are the local cows Savithri, Gayathri and other holy names. This is not to disrespect the girls that get into that institution, but at the same time, you are so horded with guys, it makes it difficult for our belief of "each one lay one". I hope you understand. Btw, not all of the women in IIT are non males. This is a derogatory term we use when you aren't up to the mark. I can't tell you about the other terms we use because that will only result in the advice being diluted and you sending me hate emails. But you know who you are, and we love you just as much.

Anyways back to the guys. Know this, women have feelings, desires and are complicated. They aren't toys to be fooled around with. They are master strategists and have a plethora of ways to deal with you, manipulate you, ridicule you and also love you. But we are aiming at getting better at these things.

First off, reading about relationships is fine, but please don't get caught in public. 2 Good books I recommend on the subject are Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus. And the second one is Why Men lie and women cry. Though you'll notice women are great at doing both crying and lying just as well.

On courting.
Dress well - This is something that every guy there should know. It's not ok to wear your worn out hawaii chappals and the same underwear of last week and unkempt beard with hair that looks like the amazon. It is not. It is extremely important to be well groomed. You don't have to be gay like Shah Rukh Khan, but it's important that you maintain a good overall neatness. It is not ok to not brush your teeth. And I'd advise quitting smoking or getting your teeth whitened.

Be trim - Ok coming from me this is a little hard to digest, but it's true. The fitter the species, the more attractive. You can't win everyone with your smile and humour alone. You have to look good. Would you want the person you date to look like Usha Uthup? Then don't look like Amjad Khan either, you don't have the money nor the fame nor the role in Sholay.

Dont smell - I emphasise this again because this is what you get accustomed to, if you smell bad then you stay away from everyone. Auto repel from mouth odor and body odor. Please don't wait to discover rain and bathing, just go get yourself cleaned before the date and more importantly maintain least amount of sweat at all times. Wash frequently. Some friends suggested using a 24 hour anti perspirant with a deo, while others say just a deo is good enough. Whatever you might use, test it before so you are comfortable. Don't believe in the Ax Ads, they are full of crap. Women don't get attracted to you so easily unless you have money, power, fame and more money, power and fame.

Clean your room and underwear - Forget the second base and third base shizzles, you would be blessed to make first stop itself. If, by chance, the woman actually decides to visit your home, it is not ok to live in a pig sty. Choose someone elses neat home and call it your own or clean it. Cleaniness is next to GetLaiditness. You wouldn't kiss in a toilet, don't ask others to do the same.

Resistance - Don't slobber over her. Please restrain, you are courting not showering. It's important that you keep in mind that the idea of a date is to get to know the person and get her to be comfortable with you and to like you over a period of time. And I'm not even going to the advice on the higher things. Suffice to say if it's your first time ever kissing any woman, you need not practice but you can learn a lot from your ahem education in movies and stuff. Experimentation is not wrong and more important it's really ok to ask her what she thinks she would like and then give it to her.

That shows your appreciation and respect to her wishes and your ability to provide. Don't tell your friends this though they'll have you laughing and asking you to practice with them.

Pay the bill the first few times, then share it. Generally a Man should pay. End of discussion. However there are times when you have to see if the person leads you on and just wants you to pay the bills all the time while she hangs out with other guys, then get the message dude, she's not into you and just your money. This doesn't include your "love" relationships since you can't love in the first few times. To those few that can and do fall in love, cherish it, once
you marry her you will eventually share anyway.

Do not ever mention another cute female out loudly.
If you need to know why, then you my friend have a long way to go. Any thoughts, sexual non sexual platonic whatsoever of ANY OTHER woman not being your family needs to be kept shut. And if it's family then get help anyway.

Give in to your expressions but don't be an idiot about it.
Some of you might start poetry, some of you might write love stories, some of you might shower your bedrooms with flowers, some of you might buy a lot of cute gifts. That's all ok. Give in to it and enjoy yourself while you are at it. And don't get too twined up in the intricacies, women know what they want out of you and they'll get it, this is for your personal fulfillment.

Most of all enjoy the trip. It doesn't happen. I will give you more gyan once you let me know how these things went. Here's to you kid.


typedefx said...

Excellent. I loved "GetLaiditness". By the way, you didn't mention music and well-read-ness. Girls also appreciate these. :)

Biswaroop said...

Nicely written..but I sincerely hope people dont take this seriously!!

trashhead said...

Actually this might put a lot of pressure on the poor guys.. baths.. grooming.. shoes... listening.. dude.. guys will simply die of a heart attack if you mention all these words in the same breath! :-)

They are supposed to be "used wth responsibility"

but nice perspective.. Let me try them out and see how effective they are.. i need it :-P

SRNR said...

Well written. I could not control my laugh when I read this. Seriously did not know that guys think so much to impress a girl :)